If I had a dollar for every time I have heard people say, “I will never build again”, I would be quitting my job as an interior designer and live on an island sipping Margaritas.
As much as building a house is a joyful and exciting event, it can be one of the most straining of exercises. Part from raising children, building or renovating a house is high up on the ladder of stressful events in a marriage.
The commitment made to renovate or to take on a new project is long and time-consuming, and it starts long before the turning of the sod.
While it may all be exciting and elevating when you go house hunting for that “forever place” to knock down and rebuild, this is where the stress starts. Finances need to be in order, and that can be the biggest of hurdles to overcome. Plans and permits require time and the waiting game until you finally receive the stamped and approved drawings can cause worries and take atoll on you, not to mention the holding costs while waiting.
There are so many decisions to be made, and while you might have married your soulmate, your individual tastes will be tested during the build.
I hope that I have not put you off from building yet, as there are things we can do to ease the process and to make it a memorable and joyous one.
Engaging a professional architect and interior designer to help you with the myriads of decisions is a good idea. Not only do they have the capacity to think outside the box, but they could almost act as mediators between the couples, should they get stuck.
More than once have I heard that the main reason for engaging me as an interior designer was “so that we do not end up killing each other”. While it does not have to get that bad, there is a valid point in engaging a professional.
Hopefully, by choosing each other and saying, “I do”, you would have more in common than not, and it could be tough if Husband dearest is a fan of modern architecture and watches Grand Designs, while the wife dreams of romantic Georgian buildings.
Compromise is key, but to make it work and not to end up with a chaotic home that lacks identity, this is where your architect or interior designer could well be saving your marriage!
A good advice to take on board is that you let go of the things that aren’t deal breakers. If you can live with an ornate doorknob that is easily changed if you get tired of it, but this is a must for your partner, then flexibility goes a long way. It is also important to be strong about things that you do not want to compromise on, particularly the big-ticket items.
My second advice is “teamwork makes the dream work”. Try and separate your roles and responsibilities and have trust in the other party.
There is a good chance that building a house, which is a huge commitment, consumes you and it is easy to let it take over your life. Allow yourselves time off and do things not related to the building every now and then. Trust me on this; a good date where you talk about anything, but the build could work magic.
Try and take time off in general to avoid burn out. Try and keep to your budget, but do keep a contingency tab.
Last, but not least, communication is everything. Put it all out there, on the table, up for discussion, hear the other person out. Once you brew that first morning cup of tea in your newly built pantry, nothing beats the feeling. A house is an investment and takes a lot of TLC, just like a relationship.
Kate Gawi - Interior Designer at Architeria Architects
Author of “Tea with the Dutchess: How to do anything with style”.
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